sparkherb
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4
Karma: 0 |  | Warriors Fanfic
« Thread Started on Dec 11, 2007, 8:02pm » | |
My friends and I are writing a warriors fanfic. I want to know what you think of my beginning:
Cold, wet, alone. Where was Skysong? What about Windkit and Shallowkit? Where were they? Sunkit scanned the thick forest. It was very different from BreezeClan camp.
What was that? The wind. And that! A squirrel. Sunkit jumped at every sound she heard. "Shallowkit, Windkit!" she yowled. "Skysong! Where are you?" There was no reply.
Sunkit licked a soaking wet paw and drew it over her ear to calm herself. Her sand-colored pelt was the color of mud. Sunkit dashed from the shelter of the trees into an open area. Rain poured down onto Sunkit's body. Sunkit's fur bristled and she shook vigorously. Drops splattered around and when Sunkit stopped shaking she was just a puff of damp fur.
Sunkit was about to call out again when she saw a starry cat run through the trees. The cat moved gracefully, like a smooth-flowing river in the forest. Sunkit stared at the beautiful cat. Her tortoiseshell pelt gistening. Her pelt was sleek and she looked as if she was warm and dry. The cats turqoise eyes glinted like stars.
"Hello!" Sunkit called to the cat. "Can you help me?"
The cat kept running.
Sunkit ran after the cat, soon a few fox lengths behind the cat. Sunkit's tail flew out behind her as she chased the cat. The cat seemed not to notice Sunkit, and acted as if it was a warm day in Greenleaf and she was running through the treeless moores.
"Sunkit," she seemed to mew like a song. Her voice was sounded like a soft breeze. "Sunkit..." The cat continued to mew her name until it began to feel loud and excited. "Sunkit!"
Sunkit awoke to see Shallowkit standing above her, her tabby pelt fluffed out. "What, are you going to wait for badgers to fly before you wake up?" Shallowkit meowed. She sounded excited yet annoyed.
Sunkit sighed and got up. "It was just a dream..."
How do you like it so far? And please be picky, I want to improve a lot!
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I have feelings, you just don't understand. |
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